growl.

[daniwithtea]

I'm cranky, and tired, and moody. That was your warning to run away.

I went to pay the bills today (because I didn't pay them last week when we got paid like I should have) and discovered some things that I fucked up last month, probably because I was so damn busy with work that I didn't know which was was up. So I'm popping Buspar because money is one of THE triggers, the ones that set me off and make me go kaplooey into evil, melodramatic, crazy in the literal sense Dani. And I'm pissed. Not only because I fucked up the bills, but because after all this time, it's still the same damn triggers that get me, money being the biggest of them all. Logically I know that being able to see "ooh, that's a big trigger, possible freak-out ahead, take your anti-anxiety drugs NOW" and do it is a good thing. I guess I just wish I didn't have those triggers anymore, feel like I should have gotten a handle on them somehow. All fires are out, everything that needs paying has been paid, s'all good on the surface.

There's something else nagging at me, that I didn't realize was bothering me so much until I vented at one of the girls at work today about it. All of our friends (IRL, LJ, and otherwise) have been very much "whee!" at the ring/party/presents concept. But our families, those who know so far, have been more along the lines of "oh, that's nice."

Um, 'scuse me?

How is it that y'all love us both to death, treat us as an old married couple, and then when it comes down to this, it's just "nice? I don't fucking think so. I've been through this deal before, and I seem to remember it being a little different last time. I want to know what the deal is. Stand up and say it if you've got a problem with it. Don't act like it doesn't bother you and treat us both like the family of bitter old dykes we are for two and a half fucking years and then act wierd because we want to have a party. It'll be interesting to get the rest of the reactions over the holidays.

As a random aside, Brian Setzer's drummer looks like Elvis Costello. Very strange.

For something completely non-ranty, I'm not going to have a chance to send out winter holiday goodies this year; however, my mom and i will be baking cookies in February (since we couldn't do our normal holiday numminess), so if you want goodies then, including our Magical Mint Cookies (secret family recipe), let me know.

ETA: I don't know what happened with the formatting there, but it's better now.

Comments

[kellan_the_tabby]

Annoying as it is, getting over those triggers takes time. A lot of time. I'm, what, thirty-three? And I'm still getting over shit from when I was a kid.

Yeah, it sucks. But realizing what's going on isn't only the first step, it's about the first fifteen steps. You're doing good. I promise.

[okayokayigive.livejournal.com]

thanks, hon. :)

[bunnyjadwiga.livejournal.com]

Well, I suspect that a bunch of people have the same reaction:
1) Wow, that's kinda wierd (the party instead of wedding thing)
2) We should be supportive of what they want to do.

Those of us who are friends know what to do to be supportive: WHEEE!!! HURRAY!

Family, however, may be at a little disadvantage. With the best will in the world, it's still a little confusing-- is this a wedding? Or not? How am I supposed to react? What does this map to? Is it a shower? Is it an engagement party? My brain hurts.

I can say that with great certainty because I'm going, okay, you're wierd, but you've always been wierd. I love you and I'll be happy for whatever you want to do to celebrate this.

Then again, the whole 'bitter old dykes' thing makes my head hurt. It may be that people aren't completely accustomed to your re-designing of yourself as exclusively butch (even if they don't have a problem with butch per se), and that's effecting how they are reacting to your plans for whatever you want to call the celebration idea.

*hugs*

[okayokayigive.livejournal.com]

well,
1 - with the exception of the people that got it (my brother and my aunt), we didn't explain the party with presents concept. my mom was there when my brother asked, and she had no comment.
2 - that would assume that they asked what we wanted to do. with the above-listed exceptions, no one did. (family-wise, i mean.)

i get that people may not know how to react, or what to expect, but even my little brother, who i honestly expected the least reaction from, was on the ball enough to ask, "so, does this mean you guys are, like, engaged? are you going to have a wedding?". it's frustrating that no one other than brad and beth cared enough or could get far enough past their hangups or whatever to fucking ask what it meant to us.

[darkest-mind.livejournal.com]

I thought that I had commented but apparently I just "thought I had" and promptly forgot about actually looking at the post to find out. Hi- I'm an idiot. So.. pretend this is actually on time-

Congratulations to both of you!! I wish I could attend the "Party with Presents" but the 11 hour drive is a little bit daunting of a task.. so I'll just have to ooh and aah over the ring (its GORGEOUS - black diamonds.. whoah!) from afar. I actually was surprised when I saw the ring picture and did a little girly squeal of excitement about the whole thing.. I'm so happy for you. On your Party With Presents night be sure to play "My Sister Rose" for me and dance around the room like a maniac and concider me there in spirit making a complete arse out of myself.

[okayokayigive.livejournal.com]

thanks hon. :)

[fuzzybutchkins.livejournal.com]

darling, if it makes you feel better, I was just talking to Mistress Muffy, and she said that she would be more than happy to come over and make you feel better by repeatedly pulling on and taking off her boots.

dunno if that'll help, but it should be fun.

[okayokayigive.livejournal.com]

muffy can come over and take off leather things all day long, whenever she wants. it's a standing invitation.

[exceptnot.livejournal.com]

omg. you're funny. can i add you?

[okayokayigive.livejournal.com]

thanks, and sure!

[exceptnot.livejournal.com]

whee! thanks. yeay!