location help?

Update on the party with presents front:

We're tossing around the date of September 9 (this year), because that date has special significance for me and it's close enough to our original anniversary (which we always forget) that it will just make things easy.

We're trying to come up with ideas for a location, and aren't having much luck so far. Our criteria:
--the place needs to be comfortable (we're toying with the idea of buying a bunch of thrift-store sofas for the occasion)
--be relaxed (this will be a very casual affair)
--be large enough to accomodate 125 people with significant breathing room (I have anxiety issues in tightly-packed crowds)
--let us bring in and prepare our own food (I run my own catering company and want complete control over the food)
--have an outdoor area where we can smoke

We'd also like an open bar, but that's easily enough accomplished. We don't want to do a firehall, for the sake of ambience. A coffee house would be great, but I can't imagine finding one with enough room for 125 people. A bar would be great, but I'm not sure what the odds are of finding a bar that will let us bring in our own food. I'm willing to check out places in not only Pennsylvania, but New Jersey, Delaware, and possibly even New York, if the location and the price are right.

So, I turn to the LJ world: any ideas for a location, or even how to find one? TIA!
(x-posted, with aadditional details, to alternative_wed)