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physical therapy bitchmoanwhine
Oct. 21st, 2005 01:12 pmi've been doing PT for a few weeks now, trying to "retrain my muscles into thinking that working is good", or so says my chipper (but nice) therapist. the first week was hell, but it's been better since then, and i'm enjoying the physical activity, plus loving the idea that i might actually be able to open a jar one day without fucking my shoulder up.
on wednesday, my knees had been bothering me all day, and my back was spasming. after an hour of "gentle stretches" at PT, I had trouble driving home and even more trouble getting up the stairs. yesterday both my knees and my back were better, so i made a quick run to get groceries. checking out, i reached into the cart to grab my yogurt - and pulled a muscle in my shoulder that's been sending out sharp pain signals ever since.
i had a moment last night where i stressed about the PT, and what it's doing, and not doing for me; yeah, i know it takes time, yadda yadda, but i'm just so damn tired of hurting myself and not being able to do shit.
then this morning the alarm went off, i got up to reset it for 15 minutes later (7:15), and ended up setting it for 8:00, which i when i needed to be at pt. not because i was tired, but because i just didn't care. i didn't even call to reschedule until almost 11 this morning.
i'm wrestling with myself now. why is it so much easier to see what needs to be done, do it, and recognize the progress in other areas of my life than it is here? i don't just blow off appointments with my psychiatrist, and i never "don't feel like" taking my meds - hell, i positively freak out if i forget to take them. why is it so damn hard to push myself through this?
in other news, i told my boss this morning that i am officially (if only momentarily) out of things to do. i expect a pile of overflow on my desk momentarily.
on wednesday, my knees had been bothering me all day, and my back was spasming. after an hour of "gentle stretches" at PT, I had trouble driving home and even more trouble getting up the stairs. yesterday both my knees and my back were better, so i made a quick run to get groceries. checking out, i reached into the cart to grab my yogurt - and pulled a muscle in my shoulder that's been sending out sharp pain signals ever since.
i had a moment last night where i stressed about the PT, and what it's doing, and not doing for me; yeah, i know it takes time, yadda yadda, but i'm just so damn tired of hurting myself and not being able to do shit.
then this morning the alarm went off, i got up to reset it for 15 minutes later (7:15), and ended up setting it for 8:00, which i when i needed to be at pt. not because i was tired, but because i just didn't care. i didn't even call to reschedule until almost 11 this morning.
i'm wrestling with myself now. why is it so much easier to see what needs to be done, do it, and recognize the progress in other areas of my life than it is here? i don't just blow off appointments with my psychiatrist, and i never "don't feel like" taking my meds - hell, i positively freak out if i forget to take them. why is it so damn hard to push myself through this?
in other news, i told my boss this morning that i am officially (if only momentarily) out of things to do. i expect a pile of overflow on my desk momentarily.
